Lighten up Francis…

This is from the 1931 version of Dracula, but it may as well be the women at the tomb.

This priest has a pretty good take on the whole pandemic thing, via my pal Darryl….an interesting 16 minutes of your time, if you’re so inclined…

I’ve always found her attractive, but seeing her skating takes it to another level

I wish I had been of gig age in ’78, but even though my Mom let me run all over town in LA at 10 years old, she would never let me go to a “punk” gig. Went to a lot of other concerts but these were genteel affairs for the most part, except when I saw Hank Williams Jr…never been to a larger gathering of drunkards and I remember when we were leaving, there was so many empty Jack Daniels bottles in the parking lot

This must have been ’88, the year after high school graduation, the last summer I came back to Burbank. Mindi and Bonnie were two of my best friends in junior high…as off kilter as I look in the picture I remember getting very drunk that night. I had a secret crush on Mindi, but she dated another one of my best friends from that era, Gilbert. I hope that these two gals went on to find happiness and joy in their lives with minimal pain…

This tune goes out to my pal Brian F., one of his favorite bands, and hands down the best tune they ever wrote in my opinion. Brian is going to be taking over most of the the reviewing duties here at the Relics…thanx Bro!

VINOK sent us a review request some time back, in fact their single came out last Wednesday…oops…and apologies…still fresh as can be though.

“It’s chord progression sounds simple but it has a strong undercurrent. Like there are more moving parts beneath than you would ever see. The drum and bass sound like they have known each other a lifetime. The singing sounds hurt, maybe….melancholic, forlorn? and as the song progresses you can feel her triumph, like she wins, in the end. I like that, She wins. In the end. She has a beautiful voice. This song is well written, performed and produced. I won’t speak for the rest of humanity but after hearing this, it left me feeling good, I want to say, empowered. That is something I haven’t felt in quite a while.”

Listen on Spotify:…




Beware, beware, keep your garden fair

You know it sucks to live for Friday, but what are ya gonna do. I’ve been working for a paycheck (and of course paying taxes) for almost 40 years now and it hasn’t always been that way, but I’m just tired now. The wife and I were talking about the aging thing and how it’s part of the process many of us go through to want a little more time for “do what you will.”

Liam and Babs, not too far from where they just moved to some island (I can’t remember the name) off the coast of North Carolina…there’s some irony in the fact that the Son of a one time raging alcoholic is an excellent bartender. Man I spent a lot of time in bars until I was so bad that the company of others got to be a waste of my time and kept me away from my one focus…the bottle. In the 15 years since my last drink I’ve learned a bit more about what it really means to be a decent human being…still got a ways to go though.

Not the most PC tune in the world, but hot damn, this dude can really flow with his words, the definition of a vocalist as another instrument. This is one of very few hip hop tunes I was into in the early 90s and it’s actually pretty funny if you don’t take yourself too seriously…an examination of human sexuality, objectification and infidelity…

Recognize this fine establishment? I think the only flick they didn’t include that was filmed there, is American History X???

In other words…don’t waste your time being in relationships with unhealthy people and don’t be used….easier said than done and who knows maybe you’re the one being unhealthy anyway.

My virtual pal Marco outta Brazil on drums here from several years ago (I’ve always thought of him as a bass player) and these guys absolutely slayed it….keeps you on your toes with an onslaught of various sounds throughout and all around tight as fuck!


Cold and rainy here in NoWhere Kansas on this late winter early spring morning. I fucking don’t mind this weather, got used to it, shit, I was digging ditches in this kind of weather for years in Humboldt. Got to get out in it here after a few to take care of a few odds and ends in the Babylon that is Hays, Kansas, an hour from here…

Ever been there? Man, nothing quite like losing a woman, from my own experience and I’ve lost a few that were way out of my league in an all around, inside and out, human being kind of way. Lament, is a good word to insert somewhere in there. Up until I got sober I was truly incapable of loving a woman in the way that she deserved…I worshipped the bottle instead. 15+ years off the hooch and I still have a lot of apologizing to do, but all I can do is hope that I didn’t permanently damage anyone and that they went on to find the love that should have been theirs. The next song makes a nice segue…

I don’t know if I posted this tune before, but if I didn’t then it would be a travesty, as it’s by definition a true Mustard Relic…perhaps the first recognizable tune in my memory that I really grooved to. Of course at that early age, what that says is that’s what my Mom was listening to. Musically, this is the most minimal a tune can get or as one commentator said, “You can’t write a hit song with only 1 chord.” Harry Nilsson: “Hold my coconut.”

I know I’ve posted this one before but it’s just too fucking huge not to be posted again…plus I’ve been thinking about my Mom a lot lately and this was one of her absolute faves. This time around listening to it, I’m captivated by the drumming, so fucking funky…

My wife insisted my fat ass take a picture with a couple gals working the strip for tips…what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas right. They were nice enough gals just trying to put food on the table. My first time on the strip and it reminds me a lot of Hollywood Blvd…crowded, expensive, sad. Had a blast gambling, hit number 7 on my first spin at roulette…shoulda stopped there but the wheels of death (slots) held me captive, with their pretty lights and pretty sounds. Below was my favorite machine of happiness (and ultimately, misery)…

My high school chum that I haven’t seen since graduation, lives in Vegas so made it a point to see him and could not have been more pleased….what an awesome human being! This, one of my top 10 metal tunes, goes out to him…

Pipe dream…

NEW YORK: OPIUM DEN, 1881. Non-Chinese customers in a New York City opium den. Wood engraving from an American newspaper of 1881.

My best Kansas buddy Darryl and I were discussing the origins of popular sayings like, “staying ahead of the curve” and then the phrase “pipe dream” came up. My guess was that it had to do with opium dens and the drug induced dreams found there…

I know I’ve posted it before (repetition is a strong point of mine…hahaha), but this is perhaps the greatest pipe dream tunes ever written, from 1927 (one resource indicated that it was a traditional tune from circa 1904)…

Have you ever heard about Willie the weeper?
Had a job as a chimley sweeper.
He had the dope habit and he had it bad.
Listen while I tell you ’bout a dream he had.


He went down to the dope shop one Saturday night.
He knew the lights would all be burnin’ bright.
Well I guess he smoked a dozen pills or more;
When he woke up he was on a foreign shore.


The Queen of Sheba was the first he met.
She called him lovey dovey and honey pet.
She gave him a great big autie-mobile
With a diamond headlight and a go-holden wheel.


Down in Honolulu Willie fell in a trance
Seein’ the dusky beauties do the hula dance.
His sweetie got in jail and Willie sure did shout
When he got the news that she had wiggled out.


He landed with a splash in the river Nile
Ridin’ on seagoin’ crocodile
He winked at Cleopatra. She said, “Ain’t he a sight.”
(‘N’ she said) “How ‘about a date for next Saturday night?”


He had a million cattle and he had a million sheep.
Had a million vessels on the ocean deep.
Had a million dollars all in nickels and dimes,
Well he knew because he counted it a thousand times.


He landed in New York one evenin’ late.
He asked his sugar for an after-date.
Started to kiss her and she started to pout,
When bang-blang!

And the dope gave out.

Turn of the century style begging for change from “royalty”…they look eager to give don’t they?

Could be wrong, have been before (too many times to count), but is this video amazing or what? Joy Division has made it’s rounds ’round here, a true Relic that I didn’t discover until 1987 in college, at the hands of my pal Dougie Grime (of Lank fame), 7 years after Ian Curtis hung himself at age 23. The tortured soul thing was real as could be, it wasn’t just in the music. Who knows what’s going on in a persons head, to force that leap from life to death.

“Lola” from 1914…they could do spooky amazingly well way back when…shit that’s over a hundred years ago!

This motherfucker of a bitchen recording was found on the Hessian Obsession FB page and it was an instant aural boner! I was a senior in high school, hesher turned punk, but was still loyal to a few of those bands and I still believe that this was their last real album…

2/5’s of the almighty WD-40. Erio sent me this after he had a totally random run-in with Steve on the highway somewhere in the Bay Area…

In the description on this vid it sez, “this is about the best video you will find of this song!” Pretty fucking good, indeed. Ya know the whole album, Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret is amazing…I know this was the hit but that album is just filled with hits, not a miss in the lot…

There must be a backstory to this picture, but that is very similar to the face I put on every day at work. Staying professional in the face of the rude unprofessionalism of so many folks I deal with. I wish it was the perma-grin of a bong hit, but unfortunately it’s the all too real face of reality.

My pal Panos’ long running project has a new installment, which he kindly shared with me. If you understand Greek you would be at a tremendous advantage, but these guys have a long standing reputation of highlighting the ridiculousness of human behavior…this world, the way it is, is fucked…who’s pulling the strings, ya know? “featuring PREEMPTIVE STRIKE0.1(INDUSTRIAL ),HAIL SPIRIT NOIR (ΒLACK METAL), DEGENERATED SEQUENCES (INDUSTRIAL) ΚΑΙ PHOPYX (ELECTRO)!
reworks and new hits!
songs based on the work of Jack Londn (iron steel) and Zamyatin (we).”

Chasm in my mind…

Not sure if I shared this story or not, but in the late 90s I worked for the grounds department in the wonderful town of Lemon Grove, California (east of San Diego). Did everything your can imagine that it takes to maintain fairly large city parks. For the most part it was the bathrooms that were a real drag…use your imagination as far as the sights and smells you might encounter in a public restroom (shit, puke, blood), then multiply that by 100. Everything was concrete and stainless steel, and there was a drain in the floor, so basically disinfectant and a hose could do the job (unless there was graffiti), but watch out for that splash-back. Equally disgusting and disturbing was finding used condoms, mostly in the parking lot, inevitably accompanied by an empty bottle of hooch (usually Mad Dog). What the fuck do you do with a used condom, ya know…

“My special little used condom
you slimy sack of wasted seed”

Planning another attempt at a professionally dupe and printed compilation CDr, this time an all Humboldt 80s & 90s thing. I went to Humboldt State University and lived in Humboldt County from ’87 to ’94…some of the best years of my life (although being in my late teens/early 20s it was bound to be wild no matter where I was at because I was game for anything…in fact I was a heartbeat away from going to the university in Syracuse, New York). Anyway, the music scene in Humboldt during that time was amazing and come to find out prior to and after that was sick as fuck as well. The comp will be 41 bands from that extended time period and any proceeds from the sales of that will be donated to a local detox/rehab type place in Eureka run by an old Humboldt head, John McManus. More details to come…

What a drag it is getting old…indeed! I myself am not doing it gracefully, but only 50% can be attributed to years of abuse, the other 50% has to do with the sedentary lifestyle I choose to have today. Anyway, best live version of the the song I’ve ever heard…

My pal Mike sent me his latest sick-ass compositions. Mike is half of HAU a duo that has been featured here before (still going strong) and I couldn’t be more stoked that he thought of the Relics. What can you say except…tribal as fuck, with a twist…a must listen! I tripped out grooving to it the first time, spaced hard just feeling the rhythm…ya know?

Miss my Moms still! Another one of those 70s classics that remind me of her 73 bug and listening to whatever on the AM radio…cruising with Mom, not a care in the world…

Never really knew the lyrics to the song, bits and pieces really…I thought when they sang “jasmine” they were instead singing “chasm”…hahahhaha

See the curtains hangin’ in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
A little light a-shinin’ through the window
Lets me know everything’s all right

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin’ though the jasmine in my mind

See the paper layin’ on the sidewalk
A little music from the house next door
So I walk on up to the doorstep
Through the screen and across the floor

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind

Sweet days of summer, the jasmine’s in bloom
July is dressed up and playing her tune
And I come home from a hard day’s work
And you’re waitin’ there
Not a care in the world

See the smile awaitin’ in the kitchen
Through cookin’ and the plates for two
Feel the arms that reach out to hold me
In the evening when the day is through

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind